How I Really Feel
by Kichou
Summary: See how Hinata, Naruto and the other characters feel about life, love and friendship.
1. Hinata

First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE!  If you don't like the story, then don't review.  My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.

I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!

There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.

Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.

Lastly, please review.  I live for reviews!

How I Really Feel – Chapter One Hinata

Naruto-kun.  When will you notice me?  When will you look at me the same way you look at her?  Can't you see that I am the one for you?  Can't you see that I will cherish you forever?  You can't can you Naruto-kun, just like Sakura can't see you.

We are people meant to be forgotten, ignored and cased aside.  I couldn't live with this knowledge of us being losers, but you; Naruto-kun showed me that we are meant for so much more.  You proved to me that we aren't losers.  You showed me that with a little encouragement, that I can shine brighter then any star.  You didn't allow yourself to fall into depression like I did.  You proved to others that Naruto is a name to be remembered.  No matter how many times people told you that you will fail, you proved to them that failure was not in your vocabulary.

It is because of you, Naruto-kun that I was able to fight Neji-nii-san.  My cousin.  How I love him even though he hates me.  Naruto-kun, I wished that you could have saw Neji back then when he was four.  He was so sweet and so adorable.  So innocent in his days of youth, only to have it ripped away because of our clan and their rules.  He wasn't always mean, Naruto-kun that is why I cannot hate him, my nii-san.  He has reason to be so cold.

It makes me laugh inside when my family calls us a clan.  You would even laugh too Naruto-kun.  Didn't we learn from class that a clan is a union of families?  The Hyuga clan is far from it.  The Main Branch and the Branch family…what a joke.  We pride ourselves on being strong and intelligent, when in actuality, we are weak in so many other ways.

Lack of emotion, that is our weakness…well, beside our blind spot that is.  Look at my clan, Naruto-kun.  How can the Hyuga clan be so strong, yet so unfeeling?  I look beside me and see children playing and laughing.  Do you know what I remember from my childhood?  Fighting.  No hugs, no kisses, no emotion what so ever.  I guess that is why so many people wonder why I'm so shy and so caring in a family so heartless.  They hate me you know, my family that is.  They hate me for being to soft, for caring too much.  Funny isn't it.  Sasuke-san hates his brother for killing his family.  Naruto-kun, you hate Sasuke-san because you believe that he is trying to take away the one girl that you love, even though you both respect each other like buddies and sort of have a small patch of love for one another.  Kiba-kun cares for Shino-kun, but he also hates him because he believes that Shino-kun is trying to squeeze him out as the leader of our team.  And my family hates me because I am too caring.  If you ask me, that is a stupid reason on why you should hate someone.  My weakness is my emotion, which is what they tell me.  Let go of my feelings and I will be a great kunochi…a kunochi worthy of the name Hyuga.

What is so good about being a Hyuga anyway?  Is it the bloodline limit?  Please.  What is so good about having a bloodline limit?  There are so many Anbu members with no bloodline limit who out rank the Hyugas.  Look around us.  There are so many ninjas and kunochis who are quite strong with no bloodline in them.  Gai-sensei is very strong.  So are Genma-sensei, Tsunade-sama and the other ninjas in Kohana.  What makes the Hyuga special?  I think of Neji-nii-san and Sasuke-san and see people who I don't want to be.  I don't mean in strength because I would love to have their power, but I mean their personality.  They are so cold, so unloving.  Hinata Hyuga is not that type of person.  To be honest, I hate using my bloodline limit.  If I had a choice, I would never use it again.

I don't want to be emotionless, Naruto-kun.  I want to be like you, strong, loving, caring, and full of life.

It is because of you, Naruto-kun that I haven't killed myself.  Although I know that you don't love me, I'm happy to know that you're my friend.  You words that day in the Chunnin exam made me feel so powerful, so strong that I didn't want to let you down, but I did.  Who knew that Neji-nii-san was THAT strong?  I hope you still have a little respect for me.  You gave me the strength to make goals for myself, goals that I will not give up until I have accomplish them.  I will not die until I accomplish each and every goal that I set out.  What are they?  I want to become a jounin or medic-nin.  I want to be a sensei to three students like our sensei.  I want to be the head of the Hyuga clan and make ME proud.  I want to change the fate of the Hyuga clan with you (even if we are together or not).  To have a family and children who don't have to suffer the harsh life of the Hyuga clan.  To see you become Hokage, and I know that you will be one someday.  And I want…I want to be able to survive.

I wont give up.  I wont give up no matter what happens.  They can call me weak, stupid, pathetic, it doesn't matter.  As long as you don't say those words, then I will be happy.  I'll become a strong kunochi and you will be the best Hokage ever.  I will look out for you, Naruto-kun.  I'll help you on your way to success.  I'll hide in the shadows to make sure no one harms you in the back.  I'll stand in front of you so the sun does not bother your eyes.  I'll walk beside you to make sure that no one ambushes from the side.  I'll hang above your head and even use my Byakugan to make sure no one harms you at all.

I'll be there for you, even if you don't notice me.  I'll protect you, even if you don't need it.  I'll be anything you want me to be.  I hope that you will notice me one day, Naruto-kun, but if you don't, that's okay.  You don't have to love me.  You don't have to care for me.  You don't even have to like me.  All you have to do is be here in Kohana and I'll be alright.  Knowing that you are here makes me smile even when my tears fall from my eyes at night.

Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan doesn't know what she is passing up.  If I was her, I would love you and never let you go, but I'm not Sakura-chan and I will never be her no matter how much I wish it.

Have you ever seen the wishing well in the center of Kohana, Naruto-kun?  They say that if you throw a coin in and make a wish, that your wish will come true.  Do you want to know the truth?  It's a lie.  I threw so much money in there that I probably could have given you a lifetime pass to eat ramen at your favorite restaurant.  All those saying we heard long ago are all lies.  When you wish upon a shooting star, the wish doesn't come true.  When you make a wish when blowing away your birthday candles, it doesn't come true.  Your wish doesn't even come true if you pray!  I gave up on them.  I gave up on almost everything except you.  You have the power to change history, Naruto-kun, and I hope that I live long enough to see it.

Inwardly, I hope you notice me, but don't force yourself too.  I don't want pity, just like I don't want fake love.  When Sakura does marry you, I will be there at your wedding, smiling and smiling until my face hurts.  I'll be happy for you, Naruto-kun.  I'll be happy even if I die inside.

Just know Naruto-kun that everything you did for Sakura-chan, she did not learn any lesson from, but for me, everything you did for me, I grow stronger and wiser.  I'm truly grateful, Naruto-kun.  You are the light in the darkness that I was searching for.

So, before you let yourself completely love Sakura Haruno, can you please send a glance my way?  Maybe, just maybe you will like what you see.

Let us change our destiny together, Naruto-kun.  Let us prove to them that we are not useless, that we are strong.  If not, then that is all right.  I'll love you anyway, no matter how you feel about me.  And if we drift apart the next few years, I hope that I find a husband who has at least ten percent of your love because I know that I will be very lucky to find someone half as good as you.

Naruto-kun…my Naruto-kun, please never change.  No matter where you are, just know that I am thinking of you.  Know that you are never alone.  All you have to do is look behind you and I will probably be there hiding in the shadows, waiting for your light to shine on me.


	2. Naruto

First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE!  If you don't like the story, then don't review.  My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.

I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!

There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.

Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.

Lastly, please review.  I live for reviews!

How I Really Feel – Chapter Two Naruto

I'm a loser.  I'm a loser and a demon, the two traits that create me, Naruto Uzamaki.  I'm not handsome like Sasuke.  I'm not intelligent like Shikamaru and I'm not calm like Kakashi-sensei.  I'm just a dobe.

A dobe, huh?  I never really believed that I was one, but after hearing so many people call you that for so many years, you begin to believe it.  How can these villagers call me useless, a demon, and a dobe when they don't even know me?  Is it my fault that I was sacrifice to hold the Kyubi?  Did I hurt anyone from this village myself?  I believe not, yet that of which I hold in me did.  Why is it that I'm the one who suffers when it is me who is protecting them from the Kyubi's wrath.  It's lucky for them that my will is strong, for if it wasn't then they would have died by now.

The Kyubi.  Why was it me that had to take on the burden of this problem?  Why was I hated for things that I did not cause?  Is it because everyone needs someone to blame for life's disappointments?  Am I something that you can hurt and ignore until you get bored of me?  Am I just something that people use to walk on and spit at?

It's sad for me to know that I can count all the people who care for me on one hand.  Iruka-sensei, you look out for me for years now and although I love you, I can never convince myself that you love me.  I know you care for me, but love?  A part of me feels that maybe you had to care for be since you were my sensei and all.  Now that I think about it, you cared about all your students, but thank you anyway.  I know that you would never force yourself to care for anyone if you didn't want to.

Shikamaru, you are the laziest bastard I have ever met.  I can't believe that you out of all of us pass the Chunnin Exam.  Who would have known that that would have happened?  Well, I knew that you would pass.  You are the most intelligent person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and that is including pervert-sensei and the Hokage!  You and I, we connect on a certain level.  I can even say that we are friends, although not as close as you and Choji are.  When I woke up on the day before the last Chunnin exam, you were the one beside me with a basket of fruit.  Man was I surprised.  I never did thank you for that.  The confrontation with Gaara in Lee's room was also unbelievable.  We sure work well together, Shikamaru.  I honestly would follow you in battle anytime as your follower.

Tsunade-sama, or should I say Hokage-sama, but I would prefer to call you ba-chan.  The day that you kissed me on the forehead made me feel…special.  I never felt that way before.  It was like a kiss that you would receive from a loving older sister, not that I would know.  You gave a feeling that I always wanted to feel, affection.  Sure, you hit me, I call you names and we argue, but that is what people who care for each other do, I mean, look at Sasuke and me!

Speaking of Sasuke, he and I have a very strange friendship.  I hate him and he hates me, yet we look out for each other.  Somewhere deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside of us we have a small spot of love for one another.  I guess that love can be described as a brotherly love.  You can say that he and I are best friends seeing as though we don't have that many guy friends, especially Sasuke.  With each day, the enormous hate that I have for him is disappearing.  Don't get me wrong, I hate him for all the stupid things that he does, but the hate for him that I use to have for him about Sakura is fading quickly.  Now that I look at her, the feeling I once had for her seems fake.  Maybe it was her looks that I like.  Lee-kun and I must have looked like complete idiots to go after a girl like her.  She is okay towards you Sasuke, but nasty towards anyone who goes against her precious Sasuke-kun.  Just look at her friend and her…well, her ex friend.  What kind of person breaks off a friendship for someone you don't even know.  I would have kept my friend if I were in her shoes seeing that I use to yearn for companionship at that young age.  I guess I can understand why you ignore her like you do.  She is annoying once you look pass her face.  I protect her and comfort her all the time yet all I get for it is either a hit on the head or her famous question, "where is Sasuke-kun".  She needs to focus on her training and her attitude.  I can't remember a time where she actually helped us a great deal in any of our missions, can you?  At least TenTen helps Neji's team, but Sakura seems useless.  I'm not trying to be mean, but she is.  I bet with a little more focus training, she can be as strong as us, but she chooses to be besides you, drooling and daydreaming.  You can take so much before you start to loose respect for someone.  You have to admit that once she realizes the error of her ways that she can be pretty nice.  Her visit to Lee proves that, however, I will always remember how she treated me.  It was actually worst then everyone else.  You and I know that she is smart, but she is quite dumb and insensitive when it comes to people who have crushes on her, but who am I to throw stones.  I am the most insensitive jerk of them all.  The one person who cares for me the most is the one that I ignore.

Hinata-chan.  How come I never notice you before?  You aren't someone that can be forgotten easily.  Your white, beautiful white eyes can never be erased from my brain.  Your frantic touching of fingers because of your shyness is quite cute.  Your modesty, your kindness and your personality are unforgettable so why is it that I never notice you until now?  Was it Sakura?  What am I saying, it must be because of her.  My life used to concern only her. Nothing else was important to me besides being Hokage.

Hinata-chan, I never notice what a lovely name you have.  It's very unique and pretty.  Sakura is a common name, but in Kohana, you don't see a lot of Hinata.  Now that I see you standing on a hill by yourself looking at children playing, I can see what a wonderful person you are.  You're beautiful, strong, caring, loving, everything that I would want in a wife.  Maybe we can go out sometime when Kohana is out of danger.

You look so sad standing there, Hinata-chan.  Who is making you so unhappy?  Is it Neji?  Your family?  Is it a certain guy, because if it is then I will hurt him for you, Hinata-chan?  You are destined to be happy just like I am destined to be Hokage.  Don't be sad.  Smile.  You always look so beautiful when you smile; sadly, I notice that you don't smile much.  Not that you frown or anything.  You have this look that states uneasiness or that your uncomfortable.  A face that holds a mask, a mask just like mine.  Your neutral mask holds back the sadness that you feel. My happy mask holds back my sadness also.  Both Sasuke and Neji have cold masks to hold back their pain and a few others have masks as well.  Sakura-chan, Lee-kun and Ino-chan don't have masks.  They don't know the pain that we feel.  They have loving families, friends, and acceptance, not like you and I, Hinata-chan.  We work hard, we study hard, we practically kill ourselves to be better than what they name us, but we never get praised.  No one pats our heads, kisses us on the forehead or yell out a "good job" to us, do they Hinata-chan.  All we get is the silence that follows with the wind.  Your eyes show me that you understand me Hinata-chan.  You're always there for me.  You give me ointments, you give me small complements and you gave me your friendship.  They are like the energy that I need to be better.  You make me feel strong, Hinata-chan.  You make me feel powerful.  You are the reason why I wanted to beat Neji up so badly.  Were you happy, Hinata-chan that I got revenge for you?  Were you proud of me?

I see you at night sometimes.  I see you sit under one of the trees in our training ground and looks sadly at the moon.  On rainy days, I see you cry, your tears mixing with the raindrops.  When it rains, I always feel sad knowing that this would be the time that you would cry.  You are the only person that I know who cries only when it rains.  Don't cry, Hinata-chan.  Smile.  If you have to cry, come to me.  I'll make those tears go away.

I'm crying right now.  Seeing you look painfully at those children makes me remember both our pains.  Look behind you Hinata-chan.  Know that I know how you feel.  Come and let us hide in the woods till nightfall so that we can wait for the rain to come.  Let us cry together and ease our weary souls.  Let us forget our pride and our masks and let us cry till our bodies hold no more water.  Let us be free of our lives for one day.  Let us be free from the villagers.  Let us be free.

You never called me a demon.  You never called me dobe.  You never looked hatefully at me.  You always looked kind, Hinata-chan.  You don't make me feel like a demon or a dobe.  You make me feel like Naruto.  You make me feel like a human, and not many can make me feel that way, not even Iruka-sensei.

I'll protect you, Hinata-chan.  I'll make sure that baka Neji won't hurt you ever again.  I'll make sure that the curse of the Hyuga family will change.  I'll make sure that I will grow strong and be Hokage so that I can finally deserve someone as precious as you.  That is what you are to me, Hinata-chan.  You are one of my most precious people, and I will never let you go.  I'll wipe those tears away.  I'll make you smile with one of my corny jokes.  I'll open doors for you, I'll spread my jacket over a puddle on the street so your shoes don't get dirty and I'll hold you close to me when you feel like crying.

Lets leave together and walk to the woods, Hinata-chan.  The sun is almost gone now.  Lets sit near the tree you always sit at and comfort one another.  Let us change our fate.  Let us heal together.

Let us finally get rid of our masks forever.


	3. Neji

First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE!  If you don't like the story, then don't review.  My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.

I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!

There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.

Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.

Lastly, please review.  I live for reviews!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I notice that I spelled the name of the village wrong.  Thank you, Xoni Newcomer for bringing this to my attention.  So the village name is Konoha, not Kohana.  Sorry for the mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How I Really Feel – Chapter Three Neji

Protect the Main House with your life.

It seems that I did everything but this.  All these years of pain and frustration, only to realize that most of my problems lies within me.  Destiny is it predestined or do we shape it?  I still do not know.  Destiny.  How can one word change me so much from the boy I use to be?

Hinata-sama, you were the one that took the weight of my anger, you who did no harm to me, you, the only one to show me respect from the Main House.   You took everything that I threw at you without any harsh words for me.  You took every intentional push or shove without activating my cursed mark.  Why do you hesitate?  Was it because you and I was each other's very first friend?

…How did everything change so much?

Do you remember, Hinata-sama, when we first met?  You were with your otousan and I'm with mine.  I remember that I said you were cute.  You really were cute, Hinata-sama, not that you aren't now.  You were shy then too, Hinata-sama.  I remember that I couldn't see much of you because Hiashi-sama's legs covered half of your body.  Do you remember that when you finally talked to me that we became quick friends?

That was the same day that I got my curse.  It was odd what happen after that day.  You and I were closer then ever.  I looked out for you, and you looked out for me.  We played together, we sang together, and we practically hung out with one another all the time.  It was…fun.  I remember that I hardly ever trained during those times.

Back then; I hated training because it meant that I wouldn't get to be with you, but then otousan told me one day that he and I would get to spend a training session with you and your otousan.  I was so happy.  My father told me that I must protect the Main House with my life.  I agreed because I knew that I wanted to protect you most of all, Hinata-sama.  At the moment that I agreed, I hear my otousan scream in agony beside me.  I then did not know what my curse did once activated so I sat beside him confused and worried.

Back then, no one ever did mention on why I had the marking on my forehead.  I never knew that I was a bird in a cage.

I never really paid attention on the difference of the Main House and the Branch House.  The only thing I ever thought about was when I would get to see you once again so that we can go play out in the garden.  I thought that serving the Main House was normal.  I served you your meals, I walked you home from any play area, I made sure that bullies never harmed you, not that you had any.  I thought much on what I did.  I only thought of whom I was doing it for.  In a way, I was a bird singing in a cage, not knowing that I was held against my will.

I remember clearly now that you never did like me serving you.  You looked sad really when I did these things.  The only time you were happy was when we would play, Hinata-sama.  You smiled a lot back then.  I notice that you don't now though.

I was always happy then, Hinata-sama.  I had no care in the world at all, but eventually that all died on that day.  The day my otousan died.

That was the day that someone told me of the true meaning of the curse that I bare.  I was shocked.  I was angry.  I was empty.  How could my family betray me?  My own ojisan sacrificing his niisan to save his own life!  It was then that the Main House had a place in my heart, a place that never existed before, my black half of my heart and you, Hinata-sama, were unlucky enough to be place there as well.  My cage was being rattled and I was getting agitated.

Our hangouts cease, out conversation time eliminated, our everything…gone.  You needed to be erase from me at all cost.  I didn't want to have a Main House brat hanging around me at all.  For a six year old, I could be very harsh.  I shoved you, I pushed you, I yelled at you, yet you still came to see if I wanted to play.  You were looking inside my birdcage, seeing if I would sing once again.

During serving time, I dropped things on you, forgot to pick you up when you left somewhere, and I stopped protecting you altogether.  It was easy for me to do so since you were a part of something that I hated so much.

I did this for so many years.  I had no room for laughter, I had no room for joy, and I had no room for you.

You tears made me laugh, you fear gave me strength, and the hopeless look in your eyes made me feel powerful.  I wanted to prove that you are weak, or should I saw I wanted to prove that the Main House is weak.  By picking on you, I proved to myself that I was better, stronger then the Main House.

You came to me less and less and I didn't care; yet you took it so hard. 

You cried more and more each day, the happiness in you dying every passing minute.  You grew weaker, while I grew stronger.  I was picking at the lock on my cage.

You trained with your otousan each day, and I left the dojo and went to the woods by myself.  No one was there to train me on our bloodline limit, so I trained myself.  The day your otousan replaced you with Hanabi was the happiest day of my life.  I and everyone else left you behind as the loser you are to be stepped upon by others.  You were no longer needed.

I went to the academy to become ninjas after that day you were replaced, and you came to the academy a year later.  We didn't see much of each other during those times since we were both busy with school, sensei's and missions.  Then we finally see each other again on that day.  The day of the Chunnin exam.  You came back to my cage, halting me on my mission of being free.

I finally notice you when you went to that Uzamaki boy.  You were handing an ointment for him when he fought that dog boy from your team.  How I loathed you so much, Hinata-sama.  When the scoreboard showed our names, I couldn't hold back my grin when I saw your horrified face.

This is the day that the Main House will finally fall.

I loved how you shivered from my insults, Hinata-sama.  You eyes betrayed your feelings and you should know by now that you cannot hind anything from me.  I can remember telling you that you cannot change your weakness.  I almost had you until Naruto Uzamaki opened his big mouth.  I bit your finger the moment you touched my cage.

You looked different after his statements, but it matter not to me.  The battle will begin and I wanted to end it quickly so that I can move on to the exam.  You hits were slow and sloppy so of course I landed a critical hit on you quite easily after a few of your punches.  I knocked you down, yet you wouldn't stay down.  Each time you fell, you came back up.

Your words angered me, Hinata-sama.  How can someone like you change yourself?  I would have killed you that day if it weren't for our senseis.  With you and everyone else in from of my cage, I just gave up escaping.

Naruto.  He was angry for what I did to you, Hinata-sama.  He vowed on your blood that he would defeat me.  Oh, how I laughed inside that day.

A loser will always be a loser.  He would never win against me.

That day he and I fought was like the day that you and I fought, boring and wasteful.  He was below me, just like you were.  When I hit him with the sixty-four strikes, I smiled.  The look on Naruto and your otousan's face made me happy.  I bet your otousan was seething because someone from the Branch House learned a Main House technique.  The look on Naruto's face was more rewarding.  I clearly won this battle.

Who would have known that I would lose that day?

He said that he would change the Hyuga family for me.  Was he joking?  He, a nobody, changes the Hyuga?  Yet, I can't but think that he might be able to do this.  He did after all change Hinata-sama for those few minutes that we fought.

When I was taken away, Genma-sensei told me something I did not realize.

A caged bird will keep on trying to escape it's cage until it is finally free.

That day, Hinata-sama, your otousan told me the true of what happen to my otousan.  He gave up his life willingly so that he can change his destiny.  My otousan did what he felt was best for him that day.  I was happy.  The truth was finally revealed.  You otousan kneeled to me, Hinata-sama.  I knew that I had to forgive him.

And now, all I have is regret.  Regret because I know that nothing will ever be the same as it was back then.  Inside, I never really hated you, Hinata-sama.  I just hated what you represented.

I miss a lot of things, Hinata-sama.  I miss playing in the garden with you, I miss talking to you, and I miss you.

Things will never be the same.  You fear me and I fear what you will say to me.  Now I see you walking away with Naruto towards the woods.  You two make a nice couple, though I will never say that out loud to anyone.  He understands you, Hinata-sama.  You both experience pain that I would never understand no matter how much I think I do.  You both will heal each other, while I'll try to think of ways to make it things up to you Hinata-sama.

I just hope that you will forgive me, since you always did mean a lot to me…my little omouto.

And I hope that you forgive me too, otousan.

Protect the Main House with your life.  I'm sorry that I didn't follow through with my promise.  I promise that I will now.

You meant the most to me, otousan.  For the four and a half years that I've known you, you were the world to me.  I wanted to be everything you were.  To have you taken away was the greatest downfall of my life.  You are the protector of our family.  You were supposed to be here for okasan, and me but you died instead.

Since I know the truth now, my pain has lessened somewhat, but I always had a question in my mind every time you told me those special seven words.

Protect the Main House with your life.

If I'm to protect them, who will be protecting me?  I'm strong, yes, but even a king needs his knights.  I'm asking you now father, who will be protecting me with you gone?

Am I to be forgotten?  Am I getting the punishment for hurting Hinata-sama?  Is this your doing, otousan?  Are the heavens angry that I was such a fool?

I don't want to be forgotten.  I fought to make a name for myself in the Hyuga family.

I don't want to be forgotten.

If I were to die, who the Konoha know who I am?

I don't want to be forgotten.

I want to make a name for myself.  Not as a Hyuga, but as Neji.

Protect the Main House with your life.

I will, otousan, but I also have other things that I need to do.  I'll protect the WHOLE family.  I'll change the Hyugas alongside Hinata-sama and that baka Naruto.  The three of us will change our destiny and change ourselves.

The three of us will change for the better.  We will work harder for our lives, otousan, and do you want to know why that is?

We do not want to be forgotten.

_PLEASE READ_

- This fic is only the thoughts of the characters of Naruto. Technically, there is no real plot to the whole story.  Sorry if I didn't mention this before.

- HOWEVER, I was thinking of making another fic after this one that has a plot and character interactions that is based on this fic.  I was thinking of making the story a drama/romance thing where it will be the aftermath of this fic (so that means Naruto and Hinata will go out and the other characters will do whatever I decide for them to do). Do you think that I should do it?   Please tell me yes or no in your review.  Also, give me some ideas on who I should couple with who (note that Naruto and Hinata WILL BE TOGETHER).

- Oh, and I'm sorry if some of the Japanese words (there's only a few) are wrong.  I hope the word "otousan" is right for father and "omouto" is right for little sister.  I got this from someone so I don't know if it's right.  Tell me if it isn't.

- Thank you for reading!  Please review!


	4. Sasuke

First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE! If you don't like the story, then don't review. My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.

I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!

There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.

Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.

Lastly, please review. I live for reviews!

**_WARNING!!!!!!! _**This chapter contains spoilers about Sasuke and his past. Also, if you do not know about the Mangekyou sharingan and the incident that relates to that, then I suggest that you do not read this chapter due to the fact that I don't want to spoil the plot of Naruto for you. When Sasuke leaves, I assume what will happen afterwards so that part might be not true. Oh, and if you don't know who Sasuke wants to kill for revenge then don't read this too! Please heed my warning! If you already know about Sasuke's past, then enjoy this chapter.

How I Really Feel – Chapter Four Sasuke

_Become a fine shinobi like your brother._

My chichi-ue always said this to me whenever we talked. This is one of the memories that I remember so vividly from my family… the family that I had so long ago.

The past is something that I cannot escape from. No matter how much I hope and pray, my memories will always be there. These memories play over and over in my head as if it is an old record player. My memories are what keeps' me living in an empty shell full of loathing towards the aniki that I use to admire, my aniki whom I now would rather kill then hug.

I loved him very much then. My aniki, Itachi had everything that he could want, so why did he commit such an awful crime?

I remember the praise, the prestige and the love that he got from my chichi-ue and his friends. I remember it all because all those times that he was acknowledged, I was forgotten. My chichi-ue made sure that everyone knew how proud he was of Itachi when he advances as a shinobi.

_As expected from my child…entering the anbu squad, I knew I could trust you with my heart._

The words he spoke that day echoes in me everyday.

My aniki, although I loved him, I also hated him as well. He was recognized, while I was the son that didn't compare to his level. I remember the stabbing pain in my heart whenever my chichi-ue would over look my accomplishments just to once again praise my aniki in his own way.

That one day long ago I felt so proud of myself. I was number one in every thing in my school. I surpassed all of the students there. I thought that this was the day that he would praise me, just like he praised him. We kneeled in the Uchiha household while I waited for him to speak. I was so very happy… that is until he finally spoke to me.

_Keep this up and become a fine shinobi like your aniki._

I don't know how I looked at that moment, but if my face looked like what my heart felt then I would probably look disappointed. Yes, disappointed, but not at my chichi-ue, but at myself because I didn't work hard enough to gain his praise.

It throbbed then, my heart. It throbs now. I was only a child. My small body didn't know how to contain the emotional pain. I don't think that I would ever know how to contain it. Do you blame me? No one taught me how.

I trained almost everyday after that incident. My body was worn and bruised; yet I pushed myself to grow stronger. My okaasan always lectured to me that I had to take better care of myself but I didn't listen. I just wanted to be strong.

Itachi was there for me most of the time when I needed someone. The day I entered the academy, he was there. He missed one of his missions to be there for me. He also reminded my chichi-ue about that important day of mine. You would think that as my chichi-ue, he would remember his own son's important day.

He would also train me when he could, since my chichi-ue wouldn't. He taught me many things of which I do not remember now, but mostly he taught me how I was not as worthless as I thought I was. I could depend on him whenever I needed him, but eventually that had to end.

I notice then that he forgot about me once and a while. He would be gone for a long time and when I did see him, he would go up to his room by himself. I didn't think much of it. He was an anbu. Anbus are known to work long and dangerous missions.

Then one day my views on Itachi changed.

His best friend, Shisui committed suicide. Many of the Uchihas believed that Itachi was the one to kill him, but I didn't believe it. They treated each other like brothers.

I saw it that day. His eyes were not the regular sharingan. They were more dangerous, more terrifying.

This isn't my aniki.

I see my chichi-ue looking at Itachi as if her was a psycho. I didn't know what was happening to my family. My chichi-ue never looked at Itachi with anything less than a proud look. What changed while I was away in the forest training?

I notice after that that my aniki and my chichi-ue have become less sociable with each other. I was confused and worried. That is until my chichi-ue told me that he wanted to teach me an Uchiha technique.

He took me to the pier that afternoon. It was beautiful that day. I can still remember the fishes jumping every which way. The air was so crisp. He performed the Katon goukakyuu no jutsu hand signals and I copied them, however, instead of a gigantic fireball, I created a whip of fire that you would use to light a cigarette. He was disappointed at me, I could tell. He walked away from me with a few departing words and went back home for supper.

I hated that look he gave me. It was a look that I wanted to erase from his face.

After a week or so of training, I asked my chichi-ue back to the pier. I told me that I still did not have enough chakra to perform the jutsu, but I proved him wrong. I created the biggest fireball the world has ever seen.

That day he finally said the words that I long to hear.

_As expected, you are my child._

He also said a few words that I did not expect to hear from his mouth.

_Do not follow after your brother._

A few weeks later, I witness the most gruesome event that can ever exist in anyone's life.

The death of the Uchihas.

Bodies laid on every corner of the street. Blood painted walls were closing in on me from every direction. I ran. I ran home to my family. I wanted to know if they were all right. I wanted to know if they were even alive.

I hear my okaasan once I reached the door. She didn't want me to come in, but she was my mother. I had to protect her. I slowly opened the door to find both my okaasan and chichi-ue on the floor, dead. A figure stood above them. A figure that I thought would never commit such a crime. Itachi.

After confirming that Itachi did kill them, I ran blindly to kill him but slipped on my parent's blood. I looked into my chichi-ue's dead eyes and cried. I couldn't protect them. They were murdered my their so called genius son.

I ran. I ran away in fear for my life. Itachi caught up to me quickly.

They were lies, those comforting moments that I had with him. When he took care of me, when he comforted me, when he praised me, they were all lies, lies that he created to mess with me.

The eyes. Those eyes again. What were they?

He told me that eyes like his were special. Those eyes are Mangekyou sharingan, the strongest Uchiha eyes you can have. But they weren't normal eyes. They were eyes received under one painful rule.

_You must kill your closet friend._

Before I blacked out, he said a few words that would shape and mold me to the creature that he wanted.

****

It would be worthless to kill someone like you my foolish otouto. If you want to kill me…curse me! Hate me and live a long and unsightly life …run away…run away…and cling to your pitiful life and some day, when you have the same eyes as me. Come before me.

****

Oh, how I want to kill him.

Now, a few years later from the Uchiha massacre, I became a genin and had two teammates. One Sakura Haruno, a pink haired, annoying yet caring girl. The other, Uzamaki Naruto, a blond loudmouth with a mission to defeat me.

In the beginning, we had many problems working together. None of us knew what the word teamwork meant. On our first mission, Naruto was scared and couldn't move. The girl couldn't do much but look around the scenery, so I had to act fast. I was great. I mocked the scaredy cat and left with my sensei.

On the battle with Zabuza, I froze. My fears were eating me up inside. My sensei eased me a little but eventually, he was trapped in a water shield. Who would have known that dead last would come up with such a great idea to save the day?

After days of training, our first and last battle with Haku started. He was strong, too strong. I thought that I was doing well at first, but once he put his ice mirrors up, I was done for. Baka dead last came into the trap as well. There was nothing I could do but to protect him. I don't know why I did. Call it reflex.

How I hate that dobe.

I survived. I woke up with Sakura on top of me crying. All I could feel at the time was relief, relief because I could still get my revenge on Itachi.

The Chunnin exam came around. We met up with a thick browed guy. He looked stupid and week so when he challenged me, I accepted. Of course, Naruto got in the way, but he got beaten down quickly.

He told us that he was the strongest genin in Konoha. Of course I was laughing inside. Him, the strongest genin in Konoha?

We fought but he was fast, real fast. I was getting killed. It was a good thing that that turtle came in when it did. The weird teacher that came later, who mysteriously looks like the guy I was fighting (must have been his love child, but who would sleep with that guy) beat him up for using a forbidden technique.

I was angry. That made three people that were stronger than me. First Itachi, then Haku and now him.

After the scene the guy (I found out his name was Lee) and his sensei (I found out his name is Gai and he is also Kakashi sensei's rival) made, Lee told me that he was lying. He said he wasn't the strongest genin. His white-eyed teammate was.

That made four people stronger than me.

More work needed to be done.

After meeting Orochimaru in the forest during our exam, I received the cursed seal. It ate at me. My body was burning inside out.

After my first battle in the arena, Kakashi sealed my seal up. I passed that part of the exam so Kakashi and I left to go train in a secluded area. I fought against Gaara, and boy was he mad. I guess I was the first person to ever make him feel pain. That made my ego go way up.

The 3rd Hokage died. Orochimaru killed him. I was saddened since he was a good man. He helped me a lot after the Uchiha massacre. I owe him a lot.

I stand on the roof of the academy, looking over Konoha. It was the least that I could do considering what happen a few months ago.

I did what I never thought I would… betray the Leaf.

I left with Orochimaru's lackeys. Naruto came after me. That day I made it clear to him that I would kill him, not because I hated him, but because he is my closet friend. It had to be done in order for me to have the Mangekyou sharingan. We fought long and hard, but Naruto made it his personal mission to beat into my head that Orochimaru is not what I need.

After healing in Konoha, I was informed that Choji, Neji, Shikamaru, Kiba, Lee, Gaara and the rest helped out to get me back. Truly I am very grateful for that. They risk their lives to help me.

So now I'm back here in Konoha, watching over them. I train hard everyday, but I promise myself that I will not lose myself. I've been unhappy since the day my family died. I do not plan to stay this way.

I'm glad I have such great friends, but of course I'm not going to admit it to them.

Kakashi sensei. You are a very perverted man. I hope your ways do not rub off on me. You are strong, smart and very reliable…well; you're reliable when it doesn't concern time. I'm honored that I got you for my sensei. I don't know how I would have react if I got Gai sensei as my teacher. Maybe I would have turned into another Lee. Oh, I shudder at that thought. You taught me more then my chichi-ue and aniki ever had. Although I love my chichi-ue, you are the one who took the time to acknowledge me.

Sakura. You're still annoying. You don't know how much I loathed you then. The day we were assign together, we spoke near the academy. I will always remember what you said about Naruto then.

He's so lucky, all alone, parents never getting on his case.

Do you remember what my response was?

The sadness of having a parent yell at you is nowhere near what he feels.

Naruto and I were very much alike. When we both go home at night, we have no one there waiting for us. The silence is deafening. The emptiness, the loneliness, the pain numb us from the tips of our toes to the top of our heads.

I don't loathe you anymore, Sakura. I've changed a little and so have you. You're not as rude to Naruto anymore. You're a very caring person when you want to be. Although you are still annoying, I guess it is for all the right reasons. You worry about Naruto, Kakashi sensei and I. You don't want us to get hurt so you annoy us until we promise to be careful. You have grown in this past year, Sakura. You will be a fine woman when you grow up.

And you, Naruto, you changed me the most out of everyone else. You showed me the errors of my ways along with Neji and Gaara. We all owe you a lot. You are a baka, that's for sure, but you're a baka with intelligence that surpass my own. You're wiser than you look, dobe.

I understand you, Naruto. Although I don't know why the villagers hate you, I can understand your pain. To be unacknowledged is like people telling you that you don't exist at all. I guess that is why you're my best friend, Naruto. We are both lonely, abandon and hurt. We live each day even though it pains us to do so. We're both unhappy and depressed; yet we work hard to change that… I work hard to change that.

It's getting tiring to live our lonely life. I want to change. We all do.

I want to be happy again.


End file.
